Zane's Everything Fades Away Read online

  “Yes, in a couple of weeks.”

  “And you didn’t feel the need to mention that, Amanda?”

  “It’s not important. Your wife is home, right? With the kids? And you’re still here.” I did not know quite what to say. She took me by the hand and led me into the main showroom. “Isn’t this place awesome at night?”

  The store was dark, with the exception of all the Christmas decorations.

  “Are you?” I asked.

  She gazed at me. “Am I what?”

  “Going to give your husband a welcome home gift?”

  She sighed. “He’s my husband. What do you expect me to do, Gideon? Greet him at the front door and announce that I’ve been slobbering all over your dick since Black Friday and that if he doesn’t like it, it’s too damn bad?”

  I was dumbfounded, but she was right. We were in a fucked-up situation and there was no getting around it. Still, the thought of another man touching Amanda, even her own husband, repulsed me.

  “Don’t you fuck your wife?” she asked with disdain dripping in her tone.

  “No, not lately,” I answered honestly. “All I ever think about these days is you.”

  We stared at each other in silence for what seemed like forever. Then she grinned and played it off like I had never spoken the words.

  “I’ll be right back,” she announced. “Don’t move a muscle.”

  Amanda disappeared behind a door and returned a few moments later wearing nothing but a big red satin bow and a pair of red stilettos that screamed “Fuck me like your life depends on it!”

  “You look amazing!” I said. “I want you.”

  “But you have to unwrap me.” She started walking farther into the store and I followed her. She stopped at a large Christmas tree that was decorated to the max and was at least sixteen feet tall. Then she lay down on the tree skirt among the various wrapped boxes, which were probably empty. “Come unwrap your gift, Gideon, before it melts.”

  I fell down on my knees beside her and started slowly pulling the bow off her, being careful not to be too rough with her. I leaned down and sucked her left breast. She moaned.

  “I don’t ever want this to end, Amanda.” I sucked harder, like she was my life sustenance. “Promise me that this will never end. That we’ll figure out a way to always be together.”

  Amanda grabbed both sides of my face with her hands and pulled my face to hers, placing a long kiss on my lips. Then she whispered the words that I will never forget. “Everything fades away, Gideon.” She kissed me again. “Everything fades away.”

  I did not like the sound of that; not at all. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “Please, let’s just savor the moment. Enjoy this for what it’s worth. Tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us. All I know is that I want you inside of me. I need you to lay your hands on my body and make the pain go away.”

  “What pain? You keep talking about pain? What pain, baby?”

  Amanda kissed me with more passion than ever before. It was amazing that every time I did not think it could become any more intense between us, it did. As we kissed, she helped me remove my clothes and then she arched her back, propping herself up on her elbows as I held her hips up and made sweet love to her underneath the tree.

  After we came over and over, she took me to another part of the store where the furniture was on display. She had a table set with candles, wine, and a late-night dinner. We ate in silence, both of us trying to make sense out of pure madness.

  “Did you enjoy the meal?” Amanda asked, as she poured the last of the bottle of Moscato into my glass.

  “Yes, I never knew chicken could taste so good.”

  “I know something else that tastes like chicken. At least, that’s what I heard.”

  “You are so fucking hot!” My dick was getting hard all over again. I had no idea that I could go so many rounds with a woman until I met her. “I don’t want to go home tonight.”

  “You have to go home tonight. It’s Christmas.” She paused and stared at me. “Where does your wife think you are, anyway?”

  I shrugged. “I just left. Nothing was going to keep me from you. I’ll deal with the backlash when I get home.”

  Amanda was wearing my shirt, and I had never seen a vision so lovely.

  She got up from her chair and straddled my lap, then sucked on my bottom lip. “Are you growing addicted to me, Gideon?”

  As she started stroking the side of my neck with the tip of her tongue, I responded, “I passed that stage on that skywalk. I’m not sure what I am, but ‘addicted’ doesn’t quite cover it.”

  Our tongues did a dance for a moment. After we came up for air, Amanda gazed into my eyes. “I feel so free when I’m with you. I’ve never felt so free.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t have to hide who I really am. All the men that I’ve been with, even Ralph, start to feel some kind of way when I reveal the real me, piece by piece.” She placed that fine ass of hers up on the table and put her feet on the sides of my thighs on the chair. “Can I be your dessert?”

  There was a bowl of cranberry sauce on the table. I picked it up and pushed Amanda back on the table, pouring some of it on her clean-shaven pussy before her back hit the surface.

  “Does this answer your question?” I asked. Before she could respond, I was eating her out like there was no tomorrow.

  “Umm, yeah, that about sums it up,” she said with a moan. “You are so amazing!”

  After I devoured her until she nearly passed out from coming so hard, we got dressed, and I carried her to her car, where I took her once again on the hood before we called it a night.

  AMANDA

  It had to end. Ralph was due home by New Year’s and I could not keep living a lie. He had done nothing to deserve my behavior and if there was one thing I was sure of, my husband loved me and worshipped the ground that I walked on. Part of me wished that things could be different. Another part resolved itself to the inevitable.

  I asked Gideon to meet me at the Carolina Kitchen in Hyattsville, Maryland, so we could talk. There would be no sex, no intimacy. I was prepared to give him what he had always yearned for: communication.

  We ordered and stared at each other while we waited for our plates to arrive.

  “You’re about to break my heart, aren’t you?” Gideon asked.

  “No, I’m about to set you free so that your heart can be salvaged.”

  “Listen, Amanda. There was a reason why we ended up at that store Thanksgiving night. Fate dictated that; not coincidence. When we saw each other, the connection was instant, and it’s only grown stronger.”

  “Gideon, we’re both married. Married! Shouldn’t that mean something?”

  “It used to mean everything, but I’ve changed. Nina has changed. People change and sometimes relationships run their course.”

  I glanced around the restaurant, full of patrons looking relieved that the hectic tradition of Christmas was over and excited about the upcoming New Year festivities.

  “Do you hear me talking to you, Amanda?”

  “I hear you.” I stared at him. “So what are you saying? That you’re prepared to leave your wife and kids for me?”

  “Maybe that is what I’m saying.” He paused. “What if that is what I’m saying? What then?”

  The waiter came back with our food and asked if we needed anything else. After we said no and he walked away, I said, “I’m a realist. While it might seem cool to be caught up in some whimsical dream, there are other people involved in this. People who will get hurt. We can’t be selfish like that. We can’t allow lust to get in the way of common sense.”

  Gideon sighed as he took my hand. “It may be lust for you but it’s love for me. That’s the part you never figured in, baby. You fell in lust with me while I was walking into love with you, with my eyes and my heart wide open. I can admit that now. I can admit that I never viewed you as just a piece of ass or a roll in the hay. It was never
about that.”

  He grabbed my hand even tighter as I fought back tears.

  “From the moment I saw you in that parking lot, before the fighting started, before I pulled you up off the ground, I realized that I was meant to be with you. I saw you when you first got out of your car. You didn’t know that, did you?”

  I shook my head. “This is crazy!”

  “So I’ve always said,” he replied. “It is crazy but it’s also real, and you’re not a good liar. Neither am I. You can sit here and act like this never meant anything to you but you’re not being truthful.”

  I shut my eyes and all the memories of our lovemaking came flooding back. I could feel the heat through his fingers and I yearned to have him inside of me again. But I had to set him free. Not because of Ralph; because it could never end the way he desired.

  I pulled my hand away and stood up, having not even touched my plate. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. “Go home, Gideon. Forget about me.” He stood as if he was going to try to stop me but I pleaded with him not to with my eyes. “We have to let this go. Please, you have to let me go.”

  I gave him a long embrace and then left without looking him in the eye.

  GIDEON

  My secretary entered my office and laid an envelope on my desk. “This came for you, certified mail.”

  It was from Amanda, and I instantly grew excited when I saw her name. It had been four months since we had spoken. I had respected her wishes, allowing her to try to work things out in her marriage. Mine was still on the edge, but I was going through the motions. I loved Amanda and that was not going to change.

  I opened the letter and read it:

  Dear Gideon,

  If you are reading this, it is because my new friend, and nurse, Lexi, honored my request and mailed it to you. I do not know where to begin so I will just get to the point.

  I dreamed about you before I ever met you. Strange, huh? It’s true. All my life I wanted to feel completely free to be myself with another human being. I was never able to achieve that with Ralph. He made attempts to act like he was cool with the real me but I could tell it was all pretense.

  Being with you was amazing. I felt like I could love without boundaries and embrace the last moments of my life without fear of judgment. Yes, I said the last moments of my life.

  By the time you read this, I will be buried. Cremated, actually. The ground seems like such a cold, hard place, and I do not want to be six feet underneath it. I asked Ralph if he would take my ashes and scatter them in the Chesapeake Bay. I’ve always been terrified of that bridge, but he plans to drive across it and let my ashes fly into the wind out his window. At least that is the plan and I hope he does it.

  Gideon, I want to thank you for being with me and showing me what true love feels like before I had to leave. I realize that what we did was not easy on you and I hope that one day you will find that same happiness with your wife. She sounds like a good woman. She just needs to learn to appreciate what she has.

  I was diagnosed with terminal cancer a month before we met and was given roughly six months to live. That’s why I couldn’t allow you to entertain leaving your family for me. It wasn’t because I didn’t desire to be with you. I would have been with you, if I only had more time. It seems unfair that I would discover the one thing that I had always yearned for too late. Like you always said, “This is crazy!”

  I love you, Gideon, with the purest heart and the best of intentions. I hope that you will live a long, productive life and see your children give way to your grandchildren and maybe even some great-grandchildren. Make the most of your dash—the time between your birth and your death. I have some regrets about what I did with mine but, in the end, you made dealing with the pain so much easier.

  There were times when we were together when my body was in agony but your tender touch relieved that pain, if only for a little while.

  Do not weep for me, Gideon. Remember the good times. I am sorry that I had to leave but, eventually, everything fades away.

  Love,

  Amanda

  By the time I finished reading Amanda’s letter, I was sobbing like there was no life left in me. It took me hours to pull myself together and walk out of my office to the elevator. I cried for her. I cried over her. I cried and I cried and I cried until there was only a shell of me left. I looked up her obituary on the Internet. There it was, on the Washington Post site, with Ralph listed as her widower. The photo of her was one of her smiling but there was sadness in her eyes. That sadness was never there whenever she was with me. Her eyes always gleamed when we were together.

  I got into my car in the parking garage and started the engine. I went through my cell phone and found all of her old text messages. I had never deleted them, not a one. Each one was a reflection of an experience we shared.

  My life would never be the same. She had entered it and left it in such a short period of time but had made a permanent impact. I only hoped that I could put on pretenses in my own marriage for the next thirty or forty years, until such time that I could be with my true love once again in a place where nothing fades away.

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