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  “Yeah, well, Anissa didn’t. She’s got her shit together big time. She’s big-boned, but the sister can dress her ass off.”

  “I just love it when bigger sisters tell the world, ‘Fuck you! I’m big, but I’m the shit so kiss my ass to the red.’”

  “I don’t know if they say all of that, but I’m feeling you. Society places too much emphasis on body weight instead of what’s inside.”

  “Amen to that.” They high-fived each other. “I also like the way Sanaa Lathan was willing to put on twenty or thirty pounds to play Zora in Disappearing Acts. It was mad cool to see a sister with a realistic body frame in a love story.”

  “Yeah, more and more books are featuring healthy sisters too,” Neena commented.

  “Cool, but back to the task at hand. Are you going to do the show or not?”

  Nia put her hands on her hips and blocked the exit from the kitchen. She was determined to pull a Regis and get a final answer.

  “I’ll do it on one condition,” Neena finally responded after downing half her bottle of grape juice.

  “What’s that?” Nia asked, hoping that it was a reasonable request.

  Neena looked down at her navy pumps. “You help me do something about my feet before we go. I don’t want the camera picking up chalk shots on close ups.”

  Nia fell out laughing. “You’re so silly! I’ll scrub and buff those babies from now until Monday, if I have to, in order to go on the show.”

  They both guffawed and walked back out to the living room. Neena grabbed Nia by the back of her shirt to keep her in place. “Hold up! How did the Anissa Brand Show even find out about us anyway?”

  Nia turned to face her. “Hell of a question and one of the first ones I asked. They said a friend of the family called in when they advertised the segment on a previous show.”

  “A friend of the family?”

  “Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Who do we know that watches the Anissa Brand Show every single day?”

  “Momma,” Neena blurted out. Their mother was the number one Anissa fan.

  “Yes, Momma. She probably demanded that they didn’t reveal that it was her. She knew we’d be embarrassed.”

  Neena shook her head. This was just too much to be hit with in one day. “Let’s just hope that Momma’s not the only one who thinks we’re sexy.”

  Nia spun around, bent her knees, and stuck her behind up in the air doing the dance called the Booty Bounce. “Sis, as good as we look, they better hire some extra security guards that day to keep the audience members from attacking.”

  Neena slapped her on the ass and giggled. “You’re wild!”

  Nia stopped dancing and started pulling Neena by the hand. “Let’s go back here and decide on what to wear.”

  Neena pulled her backward, toward the front door. “We’re not wearing shit that’s already in our closets. This calls for a trip to the mall. Are you driving or what?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Neena glanced over at Nia, who’d been gnawing idly on her nails since they’d entered the green room. “Nervous?”

  Nia sighed. “Can you spell Prozac?”

  Neena took her hand and started rubbing it gently. She was shaking like a leaf. “Calm down, Nia. You were the one demanding that we go through with this. Now look at you, acting like you’re ready to run for the nearest exit.”

  Nia glanced around the room, full of nine other sets of twins that were all beautiful, big-boobed, and banging in general. “Look at all these other sets of twins. They’re gorgeous.”

  Neena let go of Nia’s hand, resisting an urge to give her a beatdown. After all, they were in a beauty contest. “What did you expect? That they would have an America’s Sexiest Twins Contest and we’d be the only ones here that didn’t look like frogs?”

  “Of course not, but the competition is fierce. Look at those blondes over there. They’ll probably win. You know how men feel about blonde-haired, blue-eyed women.”

  Neena eyed the twins in question up and down and sucked on her teeth. “Yeah, well, I doubt that is their real hair color and I know their breasts aren’t real. I’m surprised they’re not leaking. Not to mention their flat asses.”

  “Oooh, Neena,” Nia chided. “I think I see your fangs showing.”

  “Now that we’re here, I’m determined to win this billy. You know me. If I can’t win, I…”

  “Don’t want to play,” Nia said, completing her sentence. One she’d heard Neena wear out since childhood.

  Neena pointed her index finger at Nia. “Exactly.”

  Nia sat up straight in her chair. She had quite the competitive spirit herself. They’d come a long way and she wasn’t content with leaving empty-handed. “Okay, I’m with you. Let’s do this. Let’s go out there and take that grand prize trip to Cancun and the cash prize.”

  Neena slapped her a high five. “It’s on now, Sissypoo!”

  Anissa Brand, decked out in a ruby-red Eddie Bauer double-breasted pantsuit and a pair of sexy, high-heeled tan slingbacks took center stage to the monstrous applause of her studio audience. “Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to the Anissa Brand Show!”

  “That sister is just too damn cool! Star Jones doesn’t have a damn thing on her!” Nia exclaimed as they all crowded around the monitor in the green room trying to see.

  “Shhh, I’m trying to hear this!” Neena stated angrily.

  They watched Anissa step down off the stage just long enough to shake the hands of some of the audience members in the first row.

  “Have we got an extra special treat in store for you today,” Anissa said, returning to the stage. “The first thing you’ll probably notice is that today’s audience is all male. We wanted to ensure that as many men as possible were given the opportunity to witness today’s contest first hand. That’s right! I said contest. The men in the audience will get to vote on America’s Sexiest Twins. Female, that is.”

  Neena shook her head in disgust as the studio cameras scanned over the men looking anxious like they were about to enjoy a peep show or porn flick. She elbowed Nia in the ribs. “I told you this was going to come down to an ass competition. Look at them, acting like animals and shit before anyone even walks out on the stage.”

  “Didn’t you just tell me to be quiet?” Nia asked sarcastically, now all into what Anissa was saying.

  “We searched the country for the cream of the crop and let me tell you, I’ve had a sneak peek at the photos sent in by friends and family members that did the nominations and the women are all extremely beautiful. Are you men ready?”

  “Yeah!” one older white man yelled from the rear. He appeared unshaven and looked like he could chew soda cans with his razor sharp teeth.

  “Bring them on!” a young brother shouted out from the third row.

  Anissa grinned and threw her unbeweavable head back in laughter. “The men look ready to me. Let the contest begin.”

  Nia and Neena made it through the first rounds of competition to the finals. They’d endured the bathing suit round, where they sported gold thong-back bikinis. They’d endured the talent round, where they did a oneact play entitled Lawd, why can’t I find a good man! They figured the men in the audience would be putty in their hands after that and they were. Men always like to feel like the world revolves around them. They’d even endured the degrading round, where the twins had to smear their choice of chocolate sauce, whipped cream, or honey all over each other. Nia could have sworn that one man had actually creamed in his pants because he had that cum face.

  It had all come down to the evening gown competition with three sets of finalists: Nia and Neena, the blonde bimbos, and a pair of redheads that seemed to turn men on because they looked studious. The redheaded twins went first, while the other two pairs were placed into soundproof booths so they wouldn’t be privy to the question and have time to make up a better answer.

  They were followed by the blondes and then it came down to Nia and Neena’s turn.

  “Neena
and Nia, congratulations on making the finals,” Anissa said, sashaying toward them as they came onto the stage.

  “Thank you,” Nia and Neena replied in unison.

  “I am going to ask one question and give you both the opportunity to answer individually.”

  “Okay,” they replied in unison again, nervous to the nth degree.

  “What do you feel was the most significant event of this past millennium year?”

  Neena was about to answer but Nia beat her to the punch, grabbing the microphone out of Anissa’s hand, even though they were both wearing mics attached to their black, skintight, backless Vera Wang evening gowns. Neena knew Nia was just trying to show off.

  Nia rolled out her answer in one long, swooping breath. “Without question, I feel it was the 2000 Presidential Election. It was disheartening to find out that America is not the true democracy that our forefathers fought so hard to achieve. While every vote may count, electoral votes count more and that is unfortunate. Since the candidate that received most of the popular vote is not the one residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, I feel it is time to rethink the electoral college altogether and for Congress to take desperate measures to make sure that this never happens again.”

  “Excellent answer!” Anissa exclaimed. The audience rose to their feet in applause. Anissa took that opportunity to whisper in Nia’s ear, “Preach on, my sister.”

  Nia blushed hard while Anissa turned her attention to Neena. “Neena, your response.”

  Neena leaned over and snarled into Nia’s ear. “You took mine, heifer.”

  With that, she grabbed the microphone Anissa had retrieved from Nia and went for it. “The Elian Gonzalez fiasco. Don’t get me wrong. I felt sorry for him and all of that, but the situation went on for far too long. Too much drama ensued, too much taxpayer money was wasted, and his father had the right to exercise his parental rights from jump street. While I sympathize with his Miami relatives, they had no legal rights to the boy and should have just turned him over peacefully instead of forcing the Attorney General to do what had to be done. There are far too many homeless, starving, and otherwise needy individuals in this country to spend millions of dollars and thousands of man hours on one child.”

  Once again, the male audience members rose to their feet, putting their fingers in the corners of their mouths to whistle and yelling out chauvinistic remarks.

  “Dang, you sisters ever considered going into politics?” Anissa said jokingly. She turned to look directly into a camera for a close-up. “We’ll be right back to announce the winners after these messages.”

  During the commercial break, all of the twins, even the ones that didn’t make it to the finals, came onto the stage awaiting the big moment. Some looked disappointed and a couple were even fighting back tears.

  Neena asked Nia, “So what do you think our chances are?”

  “Who knows? I bet we answered the questions the best though. Either that or Anissa is just pumping us up because we’re the only Nubian sisters left in the contest.”

  Neena was about to comment on the statement when the blinding, bright lights came back up and Anissa struck her I’m-the-shit pose.

  “We’re back. Time to announce the winners of the America’s Sexiest Twins Contest 2001.”

  A brother in a g-string that looked like he was hung like a bear sauntered onto the stage and handed Anissa an envelope. The men in the audience booed him away, trying to make sure people at home would realize that they weren’t gay.

  Anissa ripped the envelope open and pulled out an oblong card. “In third place, Mary Lou and Mary Ann from Nashville, Tennessee.”

  Nia looked at Neena and smirked. “I told you they wouldn’t win. Blonde or not, those countrified accents did them in.”

  “Shhh!” Neena replied, hoping their mics weren’t still on. Nia was right though. The moment they’d opened their mouths, they were doomed and the horrid banjo talent act didn’t help matters any.

  It was the moment of truth. Nia and Neena clasped hands, already thinking about spending the money and catching bomb ass tans on the sandy beaches of Cancun.

  “In second place, TJ and BJ from Dover, Delaware,” Anissa announced. “That means that Neena and Nia from Kannapolis, North Carolina are our grand prize winners!”

  “Oh my goodness! We won! We won!” Nia started acting a fool, hugging Neena so hard that she almost knocked her to the floor. She turned to Anissa and grabbed her elbows, jumping up and down.

  Neena pulled her off Anissa, who was holding onto her head to make sure all the jiggling didn’t make her weave fall off. “Calm down, Nia,” Neena said. “Remember that we’re still on TV.”

  Nia and Neena were given cheap tiaras, bouquets of roses, and had to strut down the makeshift walkway in front of the men. One man reached out and grabbed Nia’s ankle. She glared down at him and he mouthed the words, “I want you, baby.”

  She yanked free from him and kept on going, catching up to Neena, who was a few steps in front of her.

  “You know, normally I don’t play favorites in situations such as these but, now that you’ve been declared the winners, I must admit that I was rooting for you,” Anissa said after everyone had calmed down and the rest of the twins had been escorted off the stage and sent home with nothing but the memories of a free trip to Chicago. Nia and Neena looked at each other, finding it hard to believe that Anissa would come right out and admit her biased opinion. She continued, “That makes what is about to happen next even more rewarding.”

  Nia was lost and asked, “Happens next?” She looked at Neena and she shrugged, just as confused.

  “Even if Nia and Neena didn’t win the contest, they were still going to walk away with something more impressive than a trip to Cancun and money. Something that lasts a lifetime.”

  “What is she talking about?” Neena asked Nia. Not waiting for an answer, she asked Anissa directly, “What are you talking about?”

  Anissa started giggling like a school girl. “Ladies, during your preshow interview you were asked if you’ve ever played that old switcharoo trick on unsuspecting victims.” She stared at Nia. “Well, we should have administered a lie detector test on you, Nia, because we know all about what you did this past Christmas Eve.”

  Nia glared at her sister. “Neena!”

  Neena went on the defensive. “I didn’t have anything to do with this. I swear. You were the one that told me about the show.”

  “Ladies, don’t bicker amongst yourselves. You’ll ruin the moment. Anyway, we know all about it and so does the studio audience. They’ve been in on this the entire time.”

  Nia was pissed off by that point. Her business was all over the airwaves. At least, the fact that she’d engaged in less than flattering behavior was. “Been in on what?”

  “This is killing me and I can’t hold it in one moment longer.” Anissa chuckled.

  “So don’t!” Nia hissed at her.

  “Nia, you weren’t the only one playing games that night.” Anissa decided to drag it out for a few seconds and let the possibilities of her last statement sink into the twins’ heads. “Welcome Jacob and Jaleb from Durham, North Carolina to the stage.”

  Jacob and Jaleb came walking onto the stage, decked out in matching Aurelio Mattucci tuxedos. You couldn’t tell one from the other.

  Nia almost lost her balance. “Holy shit!”

  Anissa glared at her. Kodak moment or not, she liked to keep the language on her show clean. She didn’t like for those ignoring beeps to be placed over the chat. “Watch the mouth, sister!”

  Nia rolled her eyes at Anissa and pushed Neena on the shoulder. “He has a twin?”

  “I knew he had a brother but I didn’t know they were twins!” Neena exclaimed, just as surprised about the turn of events.

  When Jacob and Jaleb made it over to them, Anissa started squeezing their arm muscles. “This question goes out to all the ladies watching us at home. Are these two fine specimens of manhood or what?”

/>   Some of the men in the audience looked annoyed, but most were elated about it.

  “Hello, Neena,” Jacob said, taking Neena’s hand and kissing it.

  “Hello, Nia,” Jaleb said, repeating the same exact movements as his twin.

  Nia yanked her hand away from Jaleb. “Are you trying to tell us that you…?”

  Jaleb grinned uncomfortably. “Nia, I was the one you were with that night. Not Jacob.”

  “You bastard!” Neena shouted out, slapping Jacob across the face and then turning to Jaleb to slap him too.

  While Jacob was rubbing his cheek, Jaleb pleaded with her. “Neena, don’t blame Jacob because he didn’t know anything about it. He was kept out of the loop just like you were. This is all my doing.” He looked Nia up and down. “Well, mine and Nia’s. I’m just sorry you two got hurt in the process.”

  Jacob, determined not to leave Chicago without the woman he was meant to be with, recovered and pulled a slim, black velvet jewelry case from his inside tuxedo pocket. He handed it to Neena. “These are for you.”

  Neena opened the case. Inside was a string of expensive white pearls. “Thank you,” she cooed, realizing that she would be attached to Jacob like sticky glue from that moment on. She’d never recovered from her feelings for him, no matter how much she’d tried to fool herself.

  Jaleb figured since Neena was so receptive, Nia would be also. He took a similar case out of his pocket and held it out to Nia. “These are for…”

  Nia knocked the case out of his hand and pushed him in the chest. “I hate you! Leave me alone!”

  She stormed off the stage leaving everyone dumb-founded.

  Chapter Fifteen

  TWO MONTHS LATER

  Nia sat in front of her computer monitor, trying to concentrate on some work but feeling pitiful just the same. “Seeing Jacob again tonight?” she asked Neena, who’d just strolled into the living room from her bedroom decked out in a revealing black jumper.